"Grieving the loss of a child is a process, it begins the day your child passes and ends the day the parent joins them."

Thursday, June 25, 2009

F R U S T R A T I O N - to say the least.

Today's appt wasn't exactly bad, but wasn't much better than the last 6 weeks. Carly's platelet count dropped again. This week they are at 58,000. 2 weeks ago, they were at 80,000. Seems as if they just bounce between those two numbers.

The decision was made today by me (mainly by me) to go ahead and do a bone marrow aspiration on Carly. I had the option of tomorrow (Friday) or wait until next week (Thursday) to see what happens. If I would have opted to wait, and her platelets were up to 80,000 they would not have done the bone marrow test. I feel that this has gone on long enough. I want solid concrete proof that there is no leukemia present in her marrow. Her blood remains blast free,(blast are cancer cells) thank God! However, we all want to make sure there is nothing looming around in her marrow. Therefore, I told the doctor, "let's just get it over with."

I asked the doctor and NP their gut feeling. They both responded with, not leukemia. However, as we all know, and as the doctor pointed out. There are no guarantees. Sadly, that is reality when it comes to cancer.

So tonight. I ask that you pray for Carly. She will be going in for a sedated bone marrow test tomorrow at 10:30am. She will not be having a spinal tap. Unless the NP feels she should. As it stands now, the doctor doesn't think a spinal is necessary. We may not have the final report tomorrow. We could and hopefully get the preliminary results.

As for me. I handled the appt fairly well. Of course I took a Xanax before the doctor even came into the room. I imagine that helped. I did break down driving home. Tried not to, because Carly gets so upset when I'm upset. But, I just couldn't help it. Sitting watching her in my rear view mirror I can't even believe we are going through this. This just breaks my heart into a million pieces. I kept my sunglasses on and wiped away my tears. She didn't catch on. We pulled into McDonald's, I contained myself best I could and we headed in to eat.

I just hate that this is happening. I hate that Carly has to endure the terrible horrible bone marrow test tomorrow. I hate that our family is going through this. I HATE the word CANCER.

That's it for now. Please remember Carly tomorrow as she goes in for her bone marrow test @10:30. I will update any news I have as soon as I have it.



Stephanie said...

I am so , so sorry you have to go through this. I don't think the doctors would give you false hope, they really must believe Carly is ok. At least you will have an absolute answer soon. I think it was a good call to have the test done. Peace of mind is priceless. Our prayers for you tonight and especially tomorrow morning. God Bless. Stay positive, it will be ok.

Cammie Heflin said...

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry you are struggling. I would have gone with you and done it tomorrow too. Praying for you and Carly!

Heather said...

Waiting and wondering is too,too difficult and limbo is a difficult place to dwell.Xanax is a helpful friend in situations like this.I have a secret stash of my own.We will pray for you and the anxiousness that fills your heart right now and tomorrow ... I HATE waiting for those bone marrow results.Really hate it.Prayers especially for Carly.

Michelle said...

aw man! Frustration for sure! I'm sorry the #s went back down and you couldn't get any answers as to what is going on. Praying everything goes smoothly tomorrow and that you can have piece of mind!

Tina said...

Praying for Carly.....I can imagine as a mother what you must be going through, be strong and always always stay positive. Will be praying for Carly and for your entire family that all of you come through this with smiles on your faces......

Anne and Whitney: Up, Down and All Around said...

Praying for you guys and hoping that all is going well right now with the bone marrow test!!!!!!!!!! So sorry that you are going through this!

Dawn said...

Praying for Carly