"Grieving the loss of a child is a process, it begins the day your child passes and ends the day the parent joins them."
BJKarrer

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sadness.

Yesterday, after I posted that downer of a post. I received a call from Carly's resource teacher. Carly goes to the resource room every day for 30 minutes. The classroom, gen ed teacher wanted Carly in there most of the school day. I came down hard on her for that one. I won! Anyway, I get this call that Carly was acting oddly. So, I head to the school. They didn't know I was coming. I like it that way. If they know I'm coming...they're ready for me.

First stop; the playground. It was Carly's recess time. Only, she wasn't outside. Hmm??!! I found a playground assistant and asked where Carly was. She told me she didn't know. She had looked for her, but hadn't found her. So, I then asked this lady if she could tell me how often Carly is out for recess and what does she do during recess. This lady told me everything. How Carly rarely is outside. And, when she is out she basically will just sit on the sidewalk and watch everyone. I can't blame Carly for that. There are 6 classrooms out at the same time. It's CRAZY out there. But, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking....why isn't the aide encouraging playtime at recess?? Why isn't the aide encouraging play time with friends at recess??? Why isn't the aide letting Carly swing? Carly loves to swing. Why is Carly just sitting, watching? That's not fun. That's sad.

Next stop; gym class. Well let me just tell you. My heart broke into a million pieces. They went to gym..(Carly had no idea I was even at the school) Carly did as she was suppose to. The boys line up on one side of the gym and girls line up on the other side. Next came time to run laps. Carly sat down. No one went to her to encourage her to get up and join in. Again, Carly is very leery of kids and their craziness. She is well aware that she has balance issues. Rambunctious kids really put her on guard. And that's fine. But, not one adult in that gym class encouraged her in any way shape or form. The activity for gym that day was soccer. Carly's option was play or sit. Well, the gym teacher KNOWS she is very guarded to play that type of sport. Let me tell you, that soccer ball was flailing around like crazy in that gym class.

Next stop; a chat with the gen ed teacher. She told me that Carly didn't want to go out for recess. Which I can't figure out. She LOVES to go outside. I can't keep her in this house. She will stay out all afternoon. We have to drag her into the house for supper time. I asked the teacher what Carly did while everyone else was outside, getting fresh air and burning off some energy. She said, "I told Carly is she stayed in, she had to lay her head down and rest". How boring for Carly? 25 min's of laying your head down. Then off to gym class to sit and watch for 30 min's.

I was sad. Again.

Now. I don't know about the rest of you. But I know if I were Carly. Not being involved. Not having anyone really give a hoot whether or not you're involved in the "fun" stuff at school. I would act oddly too. Sometimes, I think they forget that Carly is a child. She has feelings. Feelings that get hurt, just like every other kid in that school. Carly just cant always vocalize her feelings. That makes me sad too.

Paul and I have talked a great deal about this. We have decided to pull Carly out of full day school and place her back on a reduced schedule. I don't want to do this. It pisses me off to have to do this. But, I've seen with my own eyes. My daughter is very sad. It's gut wrenching. And honestly, what's the point of her being there every afternoon? It's recess time and all of their specials. She doesn't get called on. She doesn't get attention, encouragement or does she receive praise. Her gen ed teacher gives out stickers everyday. Carly NEVER gets one. NEVER??!! This teacher also gives out small certificates when a child does 'top notch'. The year is almost over, Carly has received one. ONE. It was for coming in from recess at the first whistle. That was back at the beginning of the year.

Today, Carly is at home. She woke up dry heaving at 5am. Within 45 minutes, she was throwing up. It was short lived and she was back to sleep by 7. She seems fine now.

We see such a different kid than the school sees. Carly is happy, playful, OUTSIDE, enthused about doing her workbooks. (for hours!) My gut tells me, there is a deep problem. One being, I don't think the teacher ever took time to try to connect with Carly. She pretty much is nonexistent in her gen ed classroom. I've seen this with my own two eyes too! Thank God for the kids in Carly's class. They look out for her. They are concerned for her. They LOVE her. They all want to sit with her. They all want to play with her. They all want to walk with her in that hall. They all want to help her with her work. But, the teacher and the aide fall short.

It makes me sad. How does one stop being so sad?

14 comments:

my family said...

oh my heart just aches for you and C, there is no reason for any of this

Kelly said...

*Sigh*....this just breaks my heart too:( Carly should not have to miss out. I would not let that teacher and aide win this battle. What does their supervisor or principal say about this? What did the teacher have to say to defend herself for not "fully" including Carly? This is just plain awful. You should pop up unexpectedly more often.....and, just for kicks (to make them squirm), I would tell them that "I WILL" show up when you least expect it!! Ugh!!

I hope you can resolve this issue soon. One can stop being so sad by just looking at that sweet little girl of yours:) Good luck!!

Mer said...

Carly is so lucky to have a Mom who is fighting for both her education and happiness! That is awful what she has had to put up with at her school and her teachers, but it is good that you are aware and are taking action. I hope you find just the right situation for her - in the meantime I know you will share lots of hugs with her to keep the both of you smiling!

Chromosomally Enhanced said...

wow!! I am sorry...that is all I can say...give Carly a BIG wet kiss from me and Maddie...smiles

The VW's said...

This makes me sad too! It sounds like these "professionals" aren't very professional! And, that maybe they just don't have a heart!

How sad! Maybe they shouldn't have gone into teaching, since it's obvious they don't care very much!

Hope Carly is feeling better soon! Love and Hugs!!

Becca said...

Oh, this is heartwrenching!!! I was saddened by your post yesterday, and now especially so. I'm so glad you popped in on them. Very telling. I hope everything works out. Carly needs to know she's a valued student at the school! I will now be ever-vigilant as my daughter enters into gen-ed in a year.

sara p said...

that makes my heart hurt, you are a great mom. it sounds like you are doing everything possible for carly, but to think of a little girl not happy... that make me sad too:( please keep us posted on whatever ends up happening.

Regina said...

That IS sad! I feel so horrible for Carly! Hopefully things will get better.

Sasha said...

My heart goes out to you. I can't believe they treat her like that and just leave her with no encouragement. That is totally not acceptable. Is there anyone that does any positive work with Carly that you could expand upon? Hugs

heather said...

This post makes me very sad. It's a reality for all of our children. Teachers and aides who legally have to have our kids in their classroom but legally don't have to like it or interact with them. I'm glad the other students have been so accepting and loving with C. At least she is getting that positive social experience. What grade is she in? Morgan is in 1st grade and does the same thing in big groups . . . sits down and watches. But there is always someone there to help get her back up and encourage her to participate. We've been lucky this year with an amazing aide and teacher. . . both with a great attitude and willingness to do all they can to make it a good year for Morgan but not sure about next year. We don't have any good options for teachers and I fear we'll get a teacher who resents having a student who gives an extra challenge to the classroom.

I wish I had the answer to your last question. Just know you have so many of us out here who genuinely love and care about you and your sweet daughter!!!

Tausha said...

Oh that is the saddest post, I am sooo sorry you and Carly are having this issue. I would be furious!!!! I wish there were something I could do. Sam isn't in school yet but I can only imagine something like this might happen as well. Oh my heart aches for both of you right now.

Tina said...

That is just so sad, I have tears, I can't help it, when you talk of everything that Carly has to tolerate it's just so so unfair. I mean where have their hearts gone? She deserves so much more, she deserves to be treated like one of the others. Is this the only school option for Carly? I mean after all this I can imagine how you must be feeling about sending her to school everyday, I don't know how it works there but could Carly not go somewhere else if such a place exists? I would definitly think of pulling her out of full day school. The only saving grace is that the other kids love Carly, keep thinking of that.

嘉雯 said...

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Jeana said...

This makes me sad too, I'm sorry you have had such a tough week. Carly does deserve more, and I hope she will get it!