Sadness.

Yesterday, after I posted that downer of a post. I received a call from Carly's resource teacher. Carly goes to the resource room every day for 30 minutes. The classroom, gen ed teacher wanted Carly in there most of the school day. I came down hard on her for that one. I won! Anyway, I get this call that Carly was acting oddly. So, I head to the school. They didn't know I was coming. I like it that way. If they know I'm coming...they're ready for me.

First stop; the playground. It was Carly's recess time. Only, she wasn't outside. Hmm??!! I found a playground assistant and asked where Carly was. She told me she didn't know. She had looked for her, but hadn't found her. So, I then asked this lady if she could tell me how often Carly is out for recess and what does she do during recess. This lady told me everything. How Carly rarely is outside. And, when she is out she basically will just sit on the sidewalk and watch everyone. I can't blame Carly for that. There are 6 classrooms out at the same time. It's CRAZY out there. But, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking....why isn't the aide encouraging playtime at recess?? Why isn't the aide encouraging play time with friends at recess??? Why isn't the aide letting Carly swing? Carly loves to swing. Why is Carly just sitting, watching? That's not fun. That's sad.

Next stop; gym class. Well let me just tell you. My heart broke into a million pieces. They went to gym..(Carly had no idea I was even at the school) Carly did as she was suppose to. The boys line up on one side of the gym and girls line up on the other side. Next came time to run laps. Carly sat down. No one went to her to encourage her to get up and join in. Again, Carly is very leery of kids and their craziness. She is well aware that she has balance issues. Rambunctious kids really put her on guard. And that's fine. But, not one adult in that gym class encouraged her in any way shape or form. The activity for gym that day was soccer. Carly's option was play or sit. Well, the gym teacher KNOWS she is very guarded to play that type of sport. Let me tell you, that soccer ball was flailing around like crazy in that gym class.

Next stop; a chat with the gen ed teacher. She told me that Carly didn't want to go out for recess. Which I can't figure out. She LOVES to go outside. I can't keep her in this house. She will stay out all afternoon. We have to drag her into the house for supper time. I asked the teacher what Carly did while everyone else was outside, getting fresh air and burning off some energy. She said, "I told Carly is she stayed in, she had to lay her head down and rest". How boring for Carly? 25 min's of laying your head down. Then off to gym class to sit and watch for 30 min's.

I was sad. Again.

Now. I don't know about the rest of you. But I know if I were Carly. Not being involved. Not having anyone really give a hoot whether or not you're involved in the "fun" stuff at school. I would act oddly too. Sometimes, I think they forget that Carly is a child. She has feelings. Feelings that get hurt, just like every other kid in that school. Carly just cant always vocalize her feelings. That makes me sad too.

Paul and I have talked a great deal about this. We have decided to pull Carly out of full day school and place her back on a reduced schedule. I don't want to do this. It pisses me off to have to do this. But, I've seen with my own eyes. My daughter is very sad. It's gut wrenching. And honestly, what's the point of her being there every afternoon? It's recess time and all of their specials. She doesn't get called on. She doesn't get attention, encouragement or does she receive praise. Her gen ed teacher gives out stickers everyday. Carly NEVER gets one. NEVER??!! This teacher also gives out small certificates when a child does 'top notch'. The year is almost over, Carly has received one. ONE. It was for coming in from recess at the first whistle. That was back at the beginning of the year.

Today, Carly is at home. She woke up dry heaving at 5am. Within 45 minutes, she was throwing up. It was short lived and she was back to sleep by 7. She seems fine now.

We see such a different kid than the school sees. Carly is happy, playful, OUTSIDE, enthused about doing her workbooks. (for hours!) My gut tells me, there is a deep problem. One being, I don't think the teacher ever took time to try to connect with Carly. She pretty much is nonexistent in her gen ed classroom. I've seen this with my own two eyes too! Thank God for the kids in Carly's class. They look out for her. They are concerned for her. They LOVE her. They all want to sit with her. They all want to play with her. They all want to walk with her in that hall. They all want to help her with her work. But, the teacher and the aide fall short.

It makes me sad. How does one stop being so sad?