Angry & Quilt. (guilt)

UPDATE:

I'm not going to go through and correct all the quilts to guilt's...cuz, frankly, I don't care. I knew I put 'quilt' in the title...meant to change it,,,but forgot to. Ashleigh pointed out the fact that I used the word 'quilt' each and every time. Now you see how my mind is working, or not so much! I can't remember ANYTHING. Can't remember how to spell words. Can't remember to place phone calls, barely remember to pay bills. I never know what day it is or what time it is. So, I'm sorry you're seeing me as I am these days. FRAZZLED! (Spell check didn't catch 'quilt' cuz it wasn't spelled wrong).

Angry:

I'm so very angry.

I'm angry that I don't have my little sidekick with me each day.

I'm angry because I will NEVER understand why Carly was taken so suddenly.

I'm angry that I didn't have one more day with her.

I'm angry that I won't have a birthday cake to make for her for the next umpteen years.

I'm angry that I can't hear her sweet voice and that wonderful laugh of hers.

I'm angry that I can't hug her.

I'm angry that she can't hug me, and pat my back while doing so each time.

I'm angry that I won't see her grow up and reach all those milestones that she worked so hard for.

I'm angry that she was taken from us, just as she started to explode with her communication.

I'm angry that God could have changed this whole scenario, but didn't. Oh...that really has me angry. Which makes me doubt that there even is a god....and that even makes me angry.


Quilt:

I feel such quilt.

I feel quilt when I eat one of Carly's favorite foods.

I feel quilt when I eat any kind of food, because she cant any longer. And she LOVED her food.

I feel quilt when I go into a store and see something she wanted and I told her to "wait till the weather gets nice".

I feel quilt for going to McDonald's~her favorite place to eat.

I feel quilt if I smile.

I feel quilt if I cry.

I feel quilt if I don't cry.

I feel quilt for not seeing that there was anything, health wise, going on with Carly.

I feel quilt each time I get into our pool. Where Carly spent most summer afternoons.

I feel quilt because I continue to live and she was taken away from a family who loved her more than anything.

I feel quilt because I can barely function.

I feel quilt because my house is in a shambles.....and I could care less.

I feel quilt each night as I finally lay down, that I have the comfort of a home which Carly loved and she lays in a grave 4 miles from home.