"Grieving the loss of a child is a process, it begins the day your child passes and ends the day the parent joins them."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I am...





...pissed off

...full of rage



...looking like I've aged 10 years

...wondering why my child

...wondering why not someone else's child

...wondering why not a sick child

...wondering why now

...wondering why not during one Carly's illnesses

...missing my sweet girl

...missing waves goodbye & the blowing of kisses
each morning as the bus drove away

...missing my girl jumping from the top
step of the bus into my open
arms EVERY SINGLE afternoon

...missing those little arms wrapped around my
leg everyday after school

...missing her constant yelling, "MAMA"

...missing my house being a mess with toys

...missing reading to my girl

...missing rocking my girl

...missing giving my girl baths

...missing combing her long beautiful hair

...missing her sweet smile

...missing her silly little laugh

...missing her laughing at me every time I
have the hiccups

...wishing it hadn't been my girl

...wishing it wasn't my family going through this

...wishing others would STOP telling me they
know what we are going through

...wishing others could understand that
compares to losing a child.


Posh Totty said...

(((((hugs)))) Thinking of you Xxxx

patricia said...


Denise said...

Gosh Joany....I think of you ALL the time but am such a failure at having any words to write to you. I know that no one understands how you feel and that has to be so frustrating. All I can tell you is that through your pain, you are helping others whether you know it or not. In reading your post today about all of the things you miss about Carly, it struck me as to how often I may push those things aside or be annoyed with my own kids for some of the things they do...but you have made me think about how much I would miss those things if they were gone. I know you want nothing to do with helping people in THIS way and I can only say that I am sorry you have to. Just keep writing about how you feel, we all listen and think of you ALL the time(even if some of us, like me, don't always let you know it). Much love coming your way ALWAYS. And if you want to get out of town over the holidays, you are welcome here in CA anytime!!

Heather said...

Wishing I could do something for you.Knowing there's not.Sending you love and peace and prayers.Today and always.

Meriah said...


Michelle said...

I am ... still in tears for your loss. I am ... also wishing this hadn't happened to Carly/your family.

Angie said...

I continue to pray for peace in your heart.

Cindy said...

You continue to be in our prayers.

Kristen said...

Carly's smile sure lights up your blog banner beautifully. Without it in your home must make it so quiet, so lonely, so dark and empty everyday.


Stephanie said...

i was just about to scream at Bella and Andrew for being obnoxiously loud.

I'm not going to...

I'm so sorry Joany.

Lacey said...

Knowing there's nothing I can say, but listen to your words. XXOO

Sasha@ Blyssfulhealth said...

I am thinking of you..thinking of you....thinking of you. Hugs to you at this time. I am dealing with my own grief right now and let me tell you I find that it SUCKS. Sometimes I feel lots of anger and a lot of what you wrote about. I know I have not lost a child so I am not in your shoes but just wanted to send love and light your way. Your words really touched me and my heart aches for what you must be going through.

heather said...

I completely believe that NOTHING can compare to the loss of a child. Nothing!
Sending you lots of love!

Donna said...

Thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way.

my family said...

thank you for your perspective, how many times do we wish the toys we cleaned up or we could run an errand with out a child?