"Grieving the loss of a child is a process, it begins the day your child passes and ends the day the parent joins them."

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Sad reality

As all of you put up Christmas decorations.
We decorate the grave of our 8 year old.

This is our sad reality.


The child size grave blanket.
A child should NOT have need for a grave blanket.

This is our sad reality.

We decorated a small Christmas tree for Carly's grave.
As you can see, the tree is full of purple and red decorations,
along with candy cane decorations.
Carly LOVED putting candy canes on our Christmas tree.
She loved eating them too!
I even found strings of red solar Christmas lights.

This is our sad reality.

The following is a picture of the entire grave site.
A purple wreath.
Solar Christmas lights.
Solar candy cane lights.
Even a lawn ornament of Santa,,
"Ho Ho" as Carly called him.
And the child sized grave blanket with
red and purple ornaments
topped with a red and purple bow.

This is our sad reality.

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**We have decided to put a tree up. Ashleigh thinks we need to. Ashleigh also had the idea to decorate our tree just like we did Carly's tree.**


Carol N. said...

A beautiful thing to do for Carly. Thank you for sharing your journey through the sadness with us.

Anonymous said...

I think Ashleigh had a wonderful idea. Yes, put a tree up even if you don't feel like it and how perfect to decorate it just like Miss Carly's. I appreciate your ability to share your heartbreak with us just as you shared your joy with Carly stories. I will tell you as a single mom with a Ds daughter hardly a day goes by now that I don't think of you and remind myself to make more time, say yes more often, give more hugs and kisses. We even bought more decorations for the holidays - some added sparkle - because I want to try harder to make things special and not fall back on "it's just hard to do it all as a single parent". So, in a small way my house will be a little more decorated because of sweet Carly and your immersing love for her.

Denise said...

Very sad reality!! I was sitting her thinking about what, if anything, I can write to you and I hear your blog music playing. Normally I get annoyed with blog music as it is distracting to me when I am trying to read but right now "Smile" from Michael Jackson is playing and those words say everything I can think of right now. I am glad that you have this song on your playlist because it tells me that you are at least trying to find some positive in life. And I love Ashleigh's idea about putting up a tree and decorating it in honor of Carly!!

my family said...

great idea Ashleigh! I think Carly would agree, you should put up a tree :)

amyl4 said...

Praying for you everyday. Carly is in Caleb's God Blesses when he says his prayers every night. So is Kristen and Landon. Please don't think that we do not think of you all everyday and quietly pray for you as we go along through our days. You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday, especially this time of year Joany.
Amy Lucas

Diane said...

Joany~ Carly's grave site is beautiful. Vibrant and sparkly just as Carly was. I think Ashleigh has a good idea in putting up the tree. The year we lost the twins I didn't care it was Christmas or feel like celebrating so I didn't. No tree, no baking, and 1 shopping trip for gifts that I never wrapped. I told my girls that Santa must have been confused because there was no tree so he just left these in this bag on the floor in the living room. I now regret those decisions to not make the effort. Please know My heart goes out to you and your family. Pleae also know that I share this in love.Praying for you always.

Tina said...

The grave looks beautiful and this must have been so very very hard for you to do but you did it for Carly. Carly's spirit is ever present no matter where or what occasion. This is going to be a hard time to get through but Ashleigh is right when she says you should have an identical tree at home, Carly would want you to have one. I am thinking of you, especially more during this holiday time when I know life must be unbearable for you, such a hard hard time to get through, I will be praying for strength and peace for your family. And Carly will be present in my home on Christmas Day when I light a candle for her. ((HUGS))

JEllen said...

Oh how Carly must be smiling today:) So very sad that this is your reality yet I so see your precious girl in your decorations. I love Ashleigh's idea. Hugs to you all.

Kristen said...

*sigh* There truly is nothing more sad than that.

You did a lovely job making the grave site decorations come alive with Carly-personality. I think she's smiling. I wonder how she's going to show herself to you this season. Hopefully in a more angelic way than the jack-o-lantern's face on the wall. :)

Unknown said...

Sorry i've been away for a bit...had a huge amount of tragedy in our own family...thanks for your words.

The tree is awesome, the decorations beautiful, but I am sorry that you have to do it there.
I feel so in tune with you, as "Ho Ho" is what molly calls him, too.

Know that my heart is with yours as we make it through this holiday season together. Almost there, girl....each day set a goal. Today, I'm baking a cake.

Thank God the sarge does the dishes.

Love you,


JennyH said...

I also think putting a tree up is a good idea.

Carly's grave looks beautiful!! Yes, you are right, children should not need grave blankets. It is your sad reality. I think Carly would love all the decorates though!! Will be thinking of you lots though this hard time of year.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Heartbreakingly beautiful... I'm glad you put a tree up for you, too, even if you were just going through the motions this year. You all are in my heart and prayers this Christmas.

KnottedFingers said...

I found your blog through google images. I was looking for photos of children's grave blankets for an idea for my own daughter's grave decorations for Christmas.

I'm so so sorry for your loss and I am praying for you and your family

Anne and Whitney: Up, Down and All Around said...

you are right - it is just SAD and there is no other word for it! i am so sorry that this is even a part of your holiday decorating this year - but it is just beautiful and i am sure carly LOVES it! still thinking of you tons!

Cindy said...

I've been thinking about you. You're in my prayers.