"Grieving the loss of a child is a process, it begins the day your child passes and ends the day the parent joins them."

Monday, May 9, 2011

Trip to Californa and Back in High School

One of the best places we went while in California, was to Bakersfield, where we met up with Heather and Denise and of course, their sweet little girls. These ladies are so sweet. Kind and caring. They have HUGE hearts and I wish we lived closer. Just to many miles between us all.

Paul and I shed a few tears. At one point, we had Miss Zoey (Heather's) kind of concerned with us. Made her a little sad too. Our tears were short lived. And quickly turned into smiles on our faces. For some reason and we can't put our finger on it, but Zoey really reminded us of Carly. We were happy to meet her, but sad too because we missed our little girl so badly.

The following pictures are memories made that will be cherished forever. Love these gals and their girls. We are missing them very much.

Three mama's...Heather, me and Denise.

Zoey, really liked Paul!

Ella, Paul and Zoey.

Ella and Zoey...little hams for the camera's!

Miss Zoey, scootin' on her bottom...Just. Like. Carly used to do.

Paul and Ella, looking for some kind of critter...
popping it's head out of a hole, looking Ella in the eye!

Paul found a snake..and the girls couldn't get close enough!!

Zoey, styling Paul's hat!

Both girls with Paul. He was loving his time spent with the girls.

Zoey LOVED splashing in the little stream at the park.

Denise, Ella, Me, Heather, Paul and Zoey.

As I said, meeting Heather and Denise, along with these sweet little girls, was the highlight of our trip. We saw beautiful country..and I will be blogging about that too..BUT, we met these super great ladies and their awesome little girls. And that was the best part of the whole trip!

It really did feel like we were life long friends. We chatted like we've known each other for years. While Paul was in his glory, playing with the girls. And we kind of have..sort of. We all met, online, due to our children being born with Ds and the fact that our girls all endured Chemo. Although, Carly had ALL and Zoey and Ella had AML. Zoey also had heart surgery and suffered a stroke. Just as Carly had.

It was sad to leave our now, "in real life" friends. We can only hope to meet with up them again one day. Hoping some day they come visit us in Michigan!! Although we'd like to get back out there and visit the LA area! Maybe one day.


What are we,
back in
High School??

I didn't want to add this to the bottom of such a happy post.. but I don't want to keep having to put up a blog post about this topic..that some people will NOT let go of.

This is to address a matter about my previous blog post. Which I did shut comments down on.

I am appalled and can not believe what has snowballed out of my 1 comment regarding someones facebook status. Here's a break down: A lady wrote "I hate Ds and apraxia" and she opened the flood gates.. someone else took it and ran with it...saying, "I want a cure for Ds". Me, being a mom who recently lost her daughter, who was also been born with Ds..these facebook comments/status updates saddened me. SADDENED. And I voiced it. In fact, I DID comment that, it made me sad..I also tried to remind this lady and her "followers", that all kids have obstacles and struggles. Well..this lady jumped on the bandwagon, and even recruited some of her "followers" some of them of them have said some really nasty things to me.

I have received awful emails. Facebook-private messages and I am still receiving nasty comments right here on my blog. The woman who started all this, by saying "I hate Ds and apraxia" would NOT leave me alone. I unfriend her on facebook and then she blocked me. Good! I was glad. I didn't want to see the crap she wrote and her "followers" who agree with her!

A few days later, after all the facebook hoopla went on, I did a blog post about it; s
everal days after it all went down. Mind you, I said several days after. Well guess what? This lady commented on my blog.. and I think she was behind the anonymous comments too! But, quite honestly, I haven't looked into it yet. I might, I might not! But seriously, I mean, really? You don't want to see what I have to say on facebook and you block me; or maybe she blocked me so I couldn't comment on her stuff..whatever! Yet, you come to MY blog. For what? To attack me? Yep, pretty much! I wouldn't publish the comment she left - with her name attached to it..at first, but then I did, so some could read it...and I deleted it after that. It was NOT appropriate. She scolded me, called me "angry" and "asinine" and was just down right nasty. Her..calling me names..how impressive of a grown woman! She's the one on the attack. She's the one who continued to seek me out.

However...I will give her some credit here..she is right, I am angry. Angry because my daughter is DEAD folks. I'm certain, you would all be angry too. If you think the anger subsides after 1 year..YOU are WRONG! If you think there is a magic number of days, to which your anger and sadness subside...there is not. The sadness consumes us. The anger is still very much alive. Most of you have no idea why I/we are so deeply angry. It's not only because of Carly suddenly dying..there are reasons that I have not shared here with any of you that is at the root of our anger.

I have gotten so many nasty comments from this ladies "followers" and no, I wont publish them. Once I addressed this "lady" and told her that I would not publish her comments on my blog. She then went to seek me out through email. Ok..who has the problem here? Me or her? Who is antagonizing?? She went above and beyond seeking me out. If she couldn't get to me one way, by god she found another way. Even after I asked her, "LEAVE ME ALONE" in my blog comment. She's nothing short of a bully. She has issues that I'm sure she has no clue as to what they are. I know my issues. I'm a mother who is grieving a loss. A sudden, unexpected loss, of a precious little girl.

I started my blog to write and share our trials, our struggles and our joy, along with our ups and downs with our daughter who was born with Ds. Sadly, it has turned into how we are "finding our way" without out our sweet girl..But never once. Not one single time. Did I ever say/type "I hate Ds" or "I want a cure for Ds". NEVER once. Not in 8yrs! Hell, I didn't even think it. Ever. But, I did have bigger fish to fry. Bigger than Ds. Bigger than evaluations. My problems and my focus was, keeping my daughter healthy. And for all my hard work and for all of Carly's hard work to stay healthy, look where it got us. So, shoot me. It makes me very sad (notice I keep saying "sad" ... not mad), that people would think their day was so bad that they had the right to say "I hate Ds" and "I want a cure for Ds" Shame on all of you,,,you are hating something that makes up the very heart and sole of your children. And THAT makes me sad.

To think that one lady, goes about, seeking someone out with the motive of being a bully, is sick. This is a grown woman who IS, bullying someone. Not to mention, messaging mutual friends on facebook and telling them to basically side with her or delete her. Who in their right mind does that? She wants people on her side..to defend her. I haven't asked for anyone to defend me. I don't need anyone to defend me. I didn't do anything wrong..other than say I was sad to read those comments on facebook. I should NOT have to be defending myself to anyone. You don't agree with my thoughts and my view..fine. But, YOU do not need to jump in on the attack. This lady is doing a dandy job all on her own. Oh, by the way, she ended up emailing me a second time, but I deleted it without reading it and then I had to block her from sending me emails! Like I told her, she is a "pit bull" who wont let go.

This is the LAST time I will address this topic. A topic I did NOT keep alive. You, who continue to comment with nasty comments/remarks..are keeping this going. If you want something to end..why on earth do you folks continue to comment and contribute to this topic with your nasty remarks? I was done with this, but get up this morning to MORE comments on the previous post. If it wasn't so sad, it'd be funny.

And remember..for all YOUR so called "bad days", my bad days are far, far worse. Because, at the end of the day, most of you can and will, wrap your arms around your children. I can't!

High School wasn't even this bad..for me anyway!

Remember, this is where it STOPS. I will NOT comment on your nasty remarks/comments/private messages regarding this issue any longer.

*** comments are through approval only, now. If you are negative and nasty or if you are trying to bully me, on my blog posts..you won't get your comment published, so please, don't waste your time typing. I don't need such nasty, negative people who are adult sized, bullies leaving me comments***


Anonymous said...

First, I am thrilled you and Paul had such a nice time on your trip. I only wish the next time you guys come this way, it is a bit more south so perhaps we can meet. I would be honored to meet Carly's parents.

Second, of course you are angry. You have every right to be angry. I can't even imagine the pain and won't pretend I can. Hugs to you as always!

Becca said...

Love, love, love the pics of you guys with Heather, Denise and the girls!! I'm so glad you had that great trip. :-)

Glad you're moderating comments - sometimes it's safer that way.

I am said...

I've been following your blog for months now, through a person I know. Reading about your journey and heartbreak, praying for you often. Even if you don't believe or are struggling to believe I do and hope my prayers don't offend you. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for those people's comments. My mom told me in middle school some women never grow up, to get used to it because it would always happen and yet people continue to amaze me in the unpolite, hurtful things they do. I'll be praying God protects you today and brings even more people into your life that love you and will show that love!

Michelle Z said...

Joany, no matter what you do ... you won't be able to make everyone happy.

Today is Ruby & Lydia's birthday. Ruby is 4, Lydia is not. Instead, it's 4 years since we lost her. And I would trade ANYTHING in the world to have my Lydia back -- even though, yes, she would still have Down syndrome.

I think about your Carly often, and you. You have every right to be angry. No parent should ever have to lose a child.

Just want you to know I'm thinking of you.

b said...

please feel supported! think of you every. single. day. hugs from FLA.


Lisa said...

I'm not sure how I originally found your post, but it was over a yr ago. I have read it regularly, prayed for your family and cried tears for you and the loss of your beautiful dtr. We too have a dtr w/Ds and although there are some challenges along the way, wouldn't trade her for the world. I'm sorry that you had to deal w/the bullys...hard to believe adults act like that! But, I did want you to know there many more people that are like you and never "hate" Ds or want a "cure". Sending hugs to you!!

Jeana said...

So glad you got to meet up with these two wonderful women and their amazing little girls. I just want to tell you that I've been thinking a lot about the comment the mother put on her blog about hating Ds and how you spoke up to her. I can honestly say that I do not hate Ds and the fact that my daughter has it. I would never want to find a cure for it, because without Ds, my little girl would cease to be who she is, and who she is truly meant to be. And she is perfect in every way. I embrace her Down syndrome and have come to realize that it is just who she is, and I am SOOO proud of her. Yea the medical struggles our little ones have to fight make us sad, and at times just don't seem fair that they are called on to endure so much, but they do it with such dignity and teach the rest of us how to face our challenges. Thanks for standing up and speaking what you believe, even when its hard. Carly is very proud of her mama!

Denise said...

Hope you only got positive comments on here but unfortunately you probably didn't because that is just the way of the world. I am not even going to address the nasty part of this post because you know all my feelings already. I just wanted to say AGAIN how much I LOVED getting to meet you and Paul. It truly is a memory that will always be with me. You even left a wonderful impression on my sister who has never followed your blog but just knew who Carly was through us. I have heard her mention numerous times to other people how much she really liked you guys. You are real, down to earth people who are living through a nightmare and yet you still make people like you :) So happy to call you my real life friend now!!

Rachel said...

I am a random reader of your blog, don't think I've ever commented, but I'm glad you and your husband got to get away to CA. A much needed vacation for you both! I am sickened that adults would be so malicious as to attack a grieving mother via FB and her blog. I haven't experienced that kind of immaturity since high school. How disgusting. DS is not something that needs to be "cured," it should be embraced. Childhood Cancers and other such diseases deserve a cure, but DS? I would think that a parent of a child with DS, of all people, would recognize the special qualities that make their child unique. So sorry you have to deal with this. If the harassment doesn't stop, I would consider legal action!

Cindy said...

I find it amazing that there are adult bullies out there. My daughter experienced this in a Christian college. She started college about 2 hours away from home. She had 3 roomates. The mother of one of the girls seemed for some reason not to approve of the fact that my daughter was somewhat nerdy so pretty much would shun her in various ways. This was not the daugher,mind you,BUT her mother!

wordgardener said...

Wow, I cannot imagine wishing DS away. It has grounded my soul into life...it has taught me how I am supposed to love unconditionally, it has taught me that life rocks when you don't care if your hair is a mess or your clothes don't match and you can't pronounce all your words. It has taught me to enjoy the NOW. It has unexpectedly taught me not to fear death but rather to embrace it. I have one foot in heaven anyway...DS has taught me that Jesus is real in ways that would take a life time to explain. I hope when I grow up (and I am 48!:) that I will be just like my own daughter was...and my new daughter is...I wish everyone could know the blessing of DS especially the ones who are sitting in front of it and missing the whole thing. Thanks for sharing your heart with those of us along the way.