Broken hearts

...or...

as I've been saying over the past several days,
shattered hearts.

Last week,we went into the local florist
to pick out flowers, for yet another dam funeral for another child of ours.

Another child lost in a senseless death.

Another of our children, taken far too soon.

As we glanced through the many photo albums
full of beautiful flowers
I spotted this, broken heart.
I knew as soon as I laid my eyes on it,
this was the floral arrangement that was
very fitting of our feelings over the loss of our son.
Our feelings of this horrific loss.

Paul and I talk quite often over HOW this living nightmare
could have possibly taken place.
HOW?
HOW can this be happening to our family again?
HOW can we be going through this, again?

We've talked about reading this type of horror story,
in magazine articles.
You know the kind.
Where parents tell the story of their gut
wrenching losses of their children.
Not one, but two. (or sometimes more.)
We remember thinking back over those types of stories.
Thinking, my gosh, how can those parents go on living
after suffering such horrendous losses...
And now, here we are. We are one of those families.
One of those stories that you think,
you will only ever read about in magazines.

Unsure of how to go on really.
Unsure if we will ever be able to go back to our home
and actually live there.
The home our son died in.

As of now, our home is unlivable.
We've been back to our house,but only outside.
We have stood at our son's bedroom window,
which is boarded shut, and cried our eyes out.
As we stood crying, we wondered,
how we can go back to the very home
where one of our children lost their lives.

The real kick in the ass is-
we are still trying to learn how to live our lives without Carly.
And now, just 18 freakin' months later,
we are having to go through this loss, of our only son.

Seriously.
We have no idea how we will get through this.

How did a family of 5,
become a family of 3, in just 18 months time?