One Day At A Time...

One day at a time is all I can do …

One day at a time to stop grieving for you
One day at a time for my soul to not ache
To stop shedding hot tears; for my heart not to break.

One day at a time is all I can do …
One day at a time to stop yearning for you
One day at a time for my empty arms
To stop clutching you close against nightmare’s alarms.

One day at a time is all I can do …
One day at a time blindly stumbling through
One day at a time, the motions of life …
To stop fighting against unceasing pain and strife.

One day at a time is all I can do
One day at a time in memory of you …
One day at a time to make your life worth
Your painful loss, all too soon after your birth.

~borrowed from my online grief support group~

The words "One Day At A Time" seem to be used quite often in our home these days. Paul and I seem to use them a lot. Not sure if we are hoping against all hope that one day life will be a bit easier for us..or, if we are trying to convince ourselves of something that we know full well, will never be easier.

This past week I seem to be at the cemetery more often. Paul too. Paul is having such a difficult time the last few weeks. I'm sure part of that is the fact that Ashleigh is gone now. Ashleigh kept our family "balanced". She kept us in line. On track. And gave us HELL when she knew we needed a swift kick to the A double S! I'm pretty sure that may have a lot to do with how awful we have felt the past several days.

Tonight, Paul was telling me how awful he feels, sick even, after leaving the cemetery. I told him that maybe he needed to have a break from stopping so often. Probably it wasn't the best thing to tell him. He just wept..broke completely down. I sure don't have much advise for him. We're like the blind leading the blind here. We've never done this before and it just plain sucks.

Some days are better than others, but in all honesty, no days are good days. It's like a feeling of having the wind knocked out of you time and time again. I think that most everyone can relate to that feeling. Right? Just imagine having that constant feeling. It sucks..and, well, that's the feeling we have on a daily basis. Some days worse than others...but every day, at some point, that is the exact feeling we have. Our doctor and the counselor both, have told us this is all a common form of grief. It will go on for an undetermined amount of time. We were told we need to just "take one day at a time"...but to be brutally honest, most days...One Day At A Time is just 24hrs too much.