Empty.

My heart is empty as I type. I can't get into anything, such as details. We have none as of yet. And my brain can not process all that has gone on since Friday. Complete and unexpected loss may well be the very hardest loss of all. 8 year olds aren't suppose to drop dead. Not suppose to happen. No warning signs. NOTHING. At approximately 10:30 am, Carly started to turn blue, we believe she had a seizure. Paul began to work on her, but she had begun to turn purple.

Poor Paul was working on Carly, doing CPR before the ambulance arrived. She was stable in the ambulance with normal sinus rhythms and everything. She began to crash 5 miles away from our home, in route to UofM. We did not make it to UofM. She was to critical. She passed away at a local hospital in the ER, at 12:05pm in the arms of me and Paul. My parents were also at her side.

We can not express our thanks enough, for the wonderful outpouring love and support.

Fly high baby girl. Fly high. Mama will love you always and forever.

Everything's going to be alright.

I found an article that made me smile. It gives me so much hope for the future. It made me realize, that even though there are many people who will not accept Carly for who she is; a child born with Down syndrome. There are so many people who will accept her. People will value her as a person. So what if not everybody does. For each person who looks down on Carly, there will be that many more who will not.

There is a reason that Carly was born with Down syndrome. I don't know that reason. I may never know the reason. But that big guy upstairs knows. God has a plan. Whether it's to teach others the value of a particular person. Make a family more appreciative. Or prove to families that they can in fact, over come various obstacles. I do not believe that having a child born with Down syndrome is a curse. It's a blessing. I've always known that. But stories like the following, click here, are absolute proof!

Sometimes I tend to get off track with my ability to actually see what's important, what matters and what doesn't. Easily done when someone is constantly throwing curve balls at you. But when I read stories like this, I for one believes that eventually, everything is going to be alright.

My Menu Plan Monday.

Busy week ahead. Paul's working tons of hours. Double shifts and all. And quite honestly, I've got so much going on with Carly and the school. The very last thing I want to do, or have time to do, is spend hours in the kitchen. Therefore, I'm going to take a break from cooking actual meals every day. What I call meals, that is!

Monday: Tacos & corn fritters
(I'll be frying up my meat today for both Mon & Tues dinner)

Tuesday: Chili and grilled cheese

Wednesday: Baked spaghetti w/meatballs, salad and garlic bread

Thursday: Chicken, mashed potatoes/gravy

Friday: Pizza night

Saturday: Out to eat

Sunday: crock pot meal



Thought I'd share a simple recipe today. These are called, Snack Bars.

1 1/4 package of Graham crackers
1 C chocolate chips
1 can sweetened condensed milk



Spray a 9x9 baking dish with cooking spray. Break graham crackers into bit size pieces. Place in a small mixing bowl. Add chocolate chips then pour in sweetened condensed milk. Mix gently. Pour mixture into 9x9 pan and bake for 30min @ 350.
Allow to cool completely before cutting.


See those graham cracker pieces? You want them a tad bit smaller than that. Not crumbs though. You could even slack on the chocolate chips. It's a bit of a chocolate chip overload. For some reason, the chips on the top of the snack bars, don't melt up nicely. Not sure why that is. So don't leave this in the oven waiting chips on the top to melt. Aint gonna happen!
Also, make sure this is cooled completely. Carly insisted on having some before it cooled and it was a MESS! Good, but a mess.

I may not be blogging much. Several things going on this week. Many of these things involve Carly. I'm waiting to hear from the Special Ed Director, who rudely SLAMMED the phone down in my ear on Friday afternoon. I hadn't even gotten into a conversation yet. The only thing I was able to say, was "Hi K, this is Joany" SLAM! I did call back immediately and left a not so nice voice mail, telling K, "I certainly hope that wasn't an intentional hang up on me". I never did hear back from her. The acting Superintendent and the Board President both received calls from me that afternoon. Neither were too happy that a school administrator hung up on a parent. I will also be checking out a couple of other schools this week. I have to place a couple calls first.

If you feel it in your heart, please say a prayer for us to get through this mess with the school. All we want, is what's best for Carly. We are suppose to be going into an emergency IEP meeting this week. Although no one has set that up yet.

Have a good week everyone.

Hot Pockets and Apple Pie!

This is Carly's new favorite food.
She LOVES them. Asks for them every day
when she gets home from school.
Lately, she asks for them for breakfast, lunch & dinner.
I do think, she is hooked, or maybe addicted!

Ham & Cheese is her very favorite.

Each time I pop one in the microwave, her
eyes light up. Which concerns me..because, seriously
who wants their kid to "light up" over any kind of
crap food. Which is what I call Hot Pockets.

The funniest thing; Carly can't for the life of her remember
that she is in fact eating a Hot Pocket. She calls it, "apple pie"
or "pot pie". Yes, she happens to LOVE both of those foods too!
I have to remind her, "no Carly, Hot Pocket". To which she
replies, "duh"!

Speaking of Apple pie. Carly is on a real apple pie kind of kick.
Especially since Easter. When grandma made several kinds
of pies. One being apple!


The week following Easter, Carly kept asking me for "apple pie".
I had no apples to make her one. Which led to quite the
water works! Ashleigh came up with the idea
to call grandma and ask her to make an apple pie.

The catch being, Carly had to actually ask grandma.
That was interesting. Carly gets really shy on the phone.
Even if it's grandma! Eventually my mom heard
in a very quiet voice, "apple pie".
Well, grandma did not disappoint. The next day, Miss Carly
had her very own apple pie. An entire apple pie. Talk about a happy kid.

Rest assured, she did not eat the entire pie all by herself.
Her dad did help her out and her sissy too. But I
have to say, she gave it her best shot to polish the
whole pie off herself.

I'm going to really throw her a curve ball this week. I'm making a peanut
butter pie for Paul. That should really confuse her! I'll bet she'll
enjoy it though! It's pretty tasty and Paul's favorite pie.

Thursdays rant!

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel that this has been the longest week ever! I'm so thankful tomorrow is Friday.

Today was a busy day. Off to mail taxes this morning. Banking. Then to my moms to compose a letter to the School Board, Special Ed Director and the Elementary Principal. That letter took me over 3 hours to complete. I'd type it. Mom would proof it. I add things to the letter. Took things out of the letter. It was quite the process. After the letter was finally complete. I printed off a copy for each of the above and headed off to the school to hand deliver each letter.

Arriving at the school in time for recess. I kind of planned it that way. I wanted to see if Carly was outside today. I told her this morning to go outside at recess and play with her friends and have fun. Course, I tell her to have fun every single morning as she is waving and blowing kisses at me from the bus window. So, I get to the school and head outside. I couldn't find her. Shocker..likely 'cuz there are 6 classrooms out all together! I finally asked a playground aide, who kindly pointed Carly out to me. I stood back, in the shadows so to speak. I did not want Carly to see me. I want to observe from afar. If she sees me...she clams up. At first, I was not too happy about what I was seeing. Carly just standing, watching. Watching the kids climb and play on the monkey bars. I know she was wishing she could climb and play too, but she can't do that without assistance. Eventually, she plopped down on the ground and watched. It took all I had within me to not go to her rescue. But, I just watched. Finally, after about 10 minutes a couple of little girls from her class came and sat with her. I couldn't hear what was being said, but I saw the three of them laughing and tickling each other. Until Carly had had enough and pushed their hands away. Then, all three girls jumped up and ran. Yes even Carly. When Carly runs, it's nothing like her peers. Thanks to that stupid blood infection that caused her brain to swell..leaving permanent damage/weakness to her left side. When you watch Carly walk, she walks with a very obvious limp, for lack of better word.

Next up, the slide. Carly climbed the play structure and headed to a slide. Then she changed her mind and turned back around. I was disappointed. But then, to my surprise she headed to another slide at the opposite end of the play structure. She went down! I was so happy to see that. When she got to the bottom, she was all smiles! She was having fun. Something that doesn't happen all to often for Carly while at school.

As recess went on. I watched. She and her 2 little friends walked over to the asphalt, got into a circle while holding hands. Swinging their arms and giggling. It melted my heart. And then the whistle blew. It took the recess aides a couple of minutes to convince Carly that it was time to go back to class. Eventually she complied. Off she went.

In regards to the letter. Paul and I have put in writing our concerns including, asking for a Certified ASL (sign language) Para Pro., for next year. We've informed them that Carly will be going on a reduced schedule. I included the fact that we feel she is bored. Is receiving very little interaction from her aide and teacher. We know she doesn't get any encouragement. We've requested that she immediately be removed from Spanish class. I mean seriously. This little girl barely speaks English. Spanish class is a big old waste of time. For my daughter that is. I included many issues that you all have been reading about throughout this school year. I'm sure this will grab some major attention. At least, that's what we're hoping for. We just feel like we need to get a grip on this. NOW. It isn't going to get any better unless this school knows that we mean business. I'm through taking crap from this school.

Dr. Phil is on right now. They're talking about special needs kids being abused at school. By the hands of the so called professionals. Unfreaking believable what I'm seeing on my television. If I EVER saw, or found out that anyone at that school, or any school for that matter, abused and I mean physically abused Carly. I'm quite certain, I would kill them. There, you have it. I would kill someone over Carly. OMG. One teacher actually killed a student by restraining him. This teacher was a female, 6ft tall and over 230lbs. She restrained this boy (7th grader) face down on the floor and she sat on him. She crushed his chest. So badly so, that the coroner said it was comparable to a car crash victim. Guess what?? This teacher didn't even go to jail! An attorney/special needs advocate is on the show too. She advises parents to be aware. Especially to kids who are basically non verbal. Which Carly is considered by the school. Great. Just great. I should have turned the stupid TV off.

Like I said,,, I'm so thankful this week is almost over. Whew...what a week!

Sorry for venting. I promise, I will stop. First, I would like to thank those of you who are leaving me comments of encouragement. It means quite a bit to me. Hopefully, through our awful experience, it will give you all a heads up when your little ones start school. I didn't have any idea what we were in for. Man, what a ride.