"Grieving the loss of a child is a process, it begins the day your child passes and ends the day the parent joins them."

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Yesterday Paul and I had doctor's appointments. We both have terrible backs. Our doctor, who is a D.O. and does manipulations/adjustments, tells us it's due to lugging Carly around. Every single time that we go, the doc asks us, "are you still carrying Carly around?" Um, yes...she is very stubborn and sometimes decides she would rather do her own thing and the heck with us. For example. She likes to walk while we're in the grocery store. OK, fine. We let her walk. However, she suddenly sees something of interest and splits. We don't lose her in the stores, but for the life of us, we cannot get her to continue on our way. You know, the way she was going before she split! So, yes, sometimes we do need to pick her up. I kid you not, she is the most stubborn child I have. Which in turn, leads Paul and I heading to our doctor about every two weeks for adjustments.

After leaving the doctor yesterday we decided to go our for dinner. Well, Carly of course started in. McDonald's was on her agenda. Although Paul and I had no desire to eat fast food. We headed for Cracker Barrel (CB). You might know, it's two doors down from McDonald's! Carly didn't raise too much of a ruckus though. Once we got to CB, Carly made her way to the many toys that they carry in their store. No mention of McDonald's after that!

We were seated. Placed our orders. Chatting and coloring with Carly. I then felt the presence of eyes upon us. Sure enough. I discovered an older lady just staring away at Carly. It was so obvious. Although, it didn't phase Carly in the least. It bothered me. I mean come on. We're a family out to dinner....do you really need to STARE at our daughter?!? Did this lady see something I didn't see. Is my daughter green, purple, orange...what the heck? We went on with our chatting all the while knowing this lady was still staring.

Our salads came and we were getting Carly squared away. She always takes my salad plate away from me :o( ! I do give her some of my salad each time. I put some on a small plate for her. Oh, but that's not good enough. She still takes the big plate and leaves me with the little one! Stinker. Paul, for some reason, likes to put salt on his salads. YUCK! Well, this time Carly saw him. So, she too had to go for the salt shaker. Just as I reached to take it from her, she proceeded to lick the top of the shaker. I nearly fainted when she did that. I did get a wipe out and tried my best to clean it off. Although, I was more worried about the germs she picked up from doing the licking. GROSS!

Again, I felt those eyes. Sure enough the old woman had her eyes glued to Carly. She had seen the entire licking incident. Good grief, she was rolling her eyes now. That did it for me. I looked at Paul, who couldn't see the woman from where he was sitting. I spoke quite loudly, loud enough for this old woman to hear me for sure. Here is what I said, "That old lady will not stop staring at Carly. She must think Carly's a freak. She saw her lick the salt shaker and rolled her eyes. You would think she would look away, but no......I swear, some people are just too nosey for their own good." I'm sure the lady did hear me. She finally turned away. I don't normally do things like that. Get nasty and make nasty remarks. But for crying out loud. ENOUGH already. That rolling of the eyes just pushed me over the edge. Don't get me wrong. I did scold Carly for licking the salt shaker. I explained to her that other people use it and now its dirty and yucky. I tried to explain that you get your germs on it by licking it, too, but that may have been a little too much for her to grasp.

I know all of us mom's out there with kiddos who have Down syndrome go through this almost daily. I normally just let it roll, but last night. This old lady just rubbed me wrong. I don't see the need in people staring. I guess if my kid was screaming, throwing food, not sitting still and so on..OK, that may warrant a few stares. But my kid who is sitting still, minding her own business, behaving herself, (except for licking the shaker) enjoying herself spending time out with her family...getting comments from waitstaff on how well behaved she is. Doesn't need to be stared at. She is a child for goodness sake. STOP staring already.

I'm very happy that yesterday is just that. Yesterday. On with today!


2blessed2stress said...

Oh hun i'm so sorry... I can totally relate. We were at Perkins last week and these two older ladies (grandma types) kept staring at the girls over and over and over and over..... they were whispering as well! My kids dont have downs, and I wouldnt mind if they did, but even "normal" (Insert sarcasm here) kids get that treatment! I dont know if its just that people arent used to seeing three girls 3 and under.... or if they're just not aware of what they're doing. I dont remember Ashley getting that much attention, and she was a red head! (Tons of people always wanted to rub her head or pinch her cheeks for some reason!) Not trying to highjack your post! Just thought it might make you feel better to know that it's not just you and Carly! I dont blame you for saying something, if i could have gotten up the nerve, I would have to! ;)



2blessed2stress said...

OHHHH Yeah I totally forgot the reason for your post, sorry about the back issues! This pregnancy is kicking me there, and Aaron has a herniated disc, so we can totally relate! Thats great that your DO will do adjustments... Our DO is a pro at sending us to specialists ;(

Lacey said...

I've done that before too. Ripped someone for staring. I not so kindly told them they left their chin on the ground. That they better pick it up.

Stephanie said...

Good for you!!Maybe you should have asked her to join you so she could get a closer look, the jerk! This is where my tongue is going to get me into trouble.I know my day is coming. I have zero tolerance. I'm really glad you said that.
By the way, I love the salt shaker licking. My Andrew did that once(or twice),while we were out to eat, I almost died.

Denise said...

Everyone deserves to snap once in a while!!! Ella is still young enough to be "cute" so I haven't felt too much negative yet. But I do sometimes feel like people are looking at her and wondering "does she have Ds?" I am easy going almost always, but I have a feeling that my protective instincts will kick in once in a while too as she gets older. I wish I could have been at the CB to see you make that comment. I probably would have cheered!! You go mama!!!

Cammie Heflin said...

Carly sounds like a spunky little thing! I found your blog through Zoey's I'm looking forward to reading more about your little angel!