"Grieving the loss of a child is a process, it begins the day your child passes and ends the day the parent joins them."
BJKarrer

Friday, June 25, 2010

Fathers Day

Father's Day came and went, just as Mother's Day did. We tried hard to find some kind of joy, but it was very much nonexistent.

Again, just as Mother's Day, we visited our sweet angel at the dreaded cemetery. We trimmed her grass, which is unreal how her grave is completely covered with fresh new grass. We noticed this rapid growth of grass as being somewhat odd. Looking around the cemetery, we noticed graves from a year ago, with nothing but very sparse grass, most of it being crab grass. It leaves us in awe each time we visit Carly. Her grass looks as if it's been there forever. Nice and green and always needing to be trimmed with the weed whacker.

Soon after Carly passed away, I received this very treasured gift. Paul really wanted one too. At first I wasn't sure he'd really wear one, but Ashleigh insisted we get it. And so, he got one for Father's Day. He was beyond thrilled. Although, sad too. Kind of a bitter sweet gift. It hasn't left his neck since he put it on.

Later that evening , we went to my parents house. Where my dad received a gift from me and Paul. And then he was handed a gift bag from the kids. He pulled the card out to read it. It was a card with a monkey on it...(which is what Paul and Ashleigh always called Carly). And then he started to pull the tissue out of the bag. The gift inside; a framed picture of my dad and Carly that was taken about 1 1/2 yrs ago on my dads birthday. The frame that Ashleigh put the picture in said, "I Love Papa". Carly never called my dad grandpa, even tho all the other grand kids do! Not Carly, he was "Papa"! I m quite certain that we broke my dads heart all over again. He cried and cried and cried. And thanked Ashleigh over and over. Needless to say, we all were in tears. This is the picture. Sorry for the small size. My mom emailed it to me and for some reason, it came to me teeny tiny. It's actually a regular sized 4x6 pic!


I talked to my mom the other night,,,, I talk to her every day. But, the other night she told me that every time my dad looks at that picture, he breaks down in tears. He loves the picture and misses Carly so very much.

12 comments:

B. McKenzie said...

oh God how I wish I could hug you and let you cry. Your blog touches me so much and please know that Carly has left a legacy. Thinking of you and your family.

Anne and Whitney: Up, Down and All Around said...

i am in tears just reading about your father's day and mother's day - the picture of carly and papa is adorable!

Rochelle said...

That is a very sweet picture of Carly and her Papa!
Still praying for you guys daily and thinking of you so often.

JennyH said...

That is SO sweet. I'm sure holidays are all hard. Extra thoughts and prayers for you during those times.

Love the picture.

Angi said...

I read your blog...and I hope and pray and feel...that someday...long from now...you will be okay...your beautiful and spunky girl captured me from the first time I saw her picture, I cannot imagine your feelings of loss, as I lost my brother w/ Downs not my daughter..you are amazing and I thank you for sharing, I love to read of her spice to your life!!

Sasha said...

Oh I wish I could hug you or help you in some way. Sending you hugs and strength at this time. Life is just not fair sometimes and sometimes really bad things happen.We just have to cling to those around us to help us through. Hugs.

婷珊 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。....................................................................

Michelle said...

What a precious gift for your father! I'm sure he treasures it every day.

韋宣 said...

欣賞是一種美德~回應是最大的支持^^....................................................................

Anonymous said...

I realize that the death of a child is devastiating, and I hope to never experience it myself, but don't you think that you need to try to either get some counseling or work on moving beyond this darkness you are in for the sake of your living children? It seems to me that perhaps they are being cheated out of, not only a sister, but a mother and perhaps a father also.

Anonymous said...

Wow what a comment (see anonymous above). While I know that there is definitely time for counseling and moving forward, I have to say that that is one of the most insensitive comments I have ever read. I am so sorry for you and your family, and I am sure that you are trying to pull yourself out of the darkness. Hopefully, someday you will be able to. This post was very touching. Not that your others have not been, but there is something about the love of a grandfather that is so amazing.

Anonymous said...

I, in no way, meant the comment to be insensitive. My mother lost a sibling when she was younger and her mother went into such a severe case of depression, that she totally ignored my uncle and mom. I know that my mother resents this even today. She often says that she wishes my grandmother would have seeked help for her depression, rather than let it eat her up. I am very sorry for Joany's loss, but I am just also thinking about her other children, as I have seen the after effects of such depression.