The problem with quotes.

I've been reading particular quote on facebook over the last several days. This quote can be interpreted in a couple different ways. That's the problem with quotes.

The quote I'm talking about reads as follows:

"I don't think the worst thing that could happen to me is having a child with Special Needs. I think the worst thing would be to raise a child who is cruel to people with Special Needs."

I've seen this appear on several of my facebook friends status updates. This quote, which was taken from a someone else's blog, was written by a person who doesn't even have a special needs child. Which, in my eyes, doesn't give them any insight on just what it means to have a special needs child. How can a person who doesn't have a special needs child even know what it's like? They can not. There is just no possible way.

My take on this quote is far, and I mean FAR different than the next guy/gal. You see, in my eyes, being given a special needs child is a blessing. A blessing that people who do not have a special needs child can possible know anything about. Most people who do not have a special needs child are thankful. Lets face it, and be honest. They ARE thankful. Which is so very sad.

Now, I admit, I didn't always think it was a blessing to be given a special needs child. Truth be told, I had never even thought about what it would be like. So when I was hit with the news soon after Carly's birth, that she may have been born with Down syndrome, I was devastated. I was devastated because this was not the child I wanted. Nor the child I dreamed of. How foolish I was thinking like that. Thankfully, that devastation and foolishness only lasted a few days..about 10 to be exact. And by then, I was so in love with my teeny tiny little blessing, that extra chromosome didn't matter to me at all.

As far as a child being cruel to a special needs child. Well, that falls directly on the parents of said, "cruel child". It was my experience, since Carly started going to a public school in kindergarten..it is NOT the child who finds a difference. It's the parent. The parents steer their child into cruelty. It's something the child learns. Something that comes directly from HOME. Something that, in time can fester over the years and turn people completely rotten. Just remember where that came from. HOME.

The kids in Carly's kindergarten and first grade classes loved her. They LOVED our girl. The parents, not so much. We were even told during an IEP meeting, (by a god awful teacher,,who didn't even care for Carly..but that's a whole 'nother subject!) that parents were voicing concerns that our child was being taught side by side with their children. How's that for a kick in the gut? Straight out of the..hold it...dare I say it?? PARENTS mouths. So yeah, a cruel child begins at HOME people! You get out of your kids just what you put into the raising of them. If you show them how to be nasty and cruel, eventually they will pick it up.

I can say what it's like to have a special needs child. I lived it for 8 years. I dealt with the cruel remarks of teachers and staff at the school (all adults). I dealt with hearing from the school, how PARENTS questioned my daughter being taught with their child. Oh my god that broke my heart. Carly was so sweet. Kind and loving. She was gentle and caring. A good natured child. Well behaved, even more so than her fellow, "typical" peers. She was doted on by all of her classmates. I witnessed with my own eyes just how much the kids loved her. I went to the school countless times to observe Carly in action with her peers. Those kids loved her. Those kids insisted that their parents take them to Carly's visitation at the funeral home. Their parents were all at a loss of words at the funeral home. And I made a point to tell them, "you have a special little boy/girl, who you should be so proud of because he/she was such a great friend to our girl." I hope that my words stung those parents. If only for a moment. Those poor classmates cried puddles of tears for our girl. Those kids still talk about our girl. To this day, those kids miss our girl. Thankfully, those idiotic parents hadn't yet rubbed off on their kids by the age of 7. And I hope our girl taught those parents a lesson. The lesson that their kids are capable of accepting a special needs child. Their kids didn't bitch and moan that Carly was in their classroom, learning along side of them. That my friends, is what their parents did. So, yeah,,,the parents do eventually rub off on their kids.

In my opinion there is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING that compares to losing a child. Having a special needs child...really is difficult at times, but so very worth it. Having a cruel child, well people...that's your fault. You teach your kids to be mean and that's what you'll get. A mean, cruel kid. That's up to all you parents out there. But. BUT, having your sweet little 8 year old literally drop dead before your eyes is the absolute worse thing ever. I would take a special needs child or a cruel child, hands down, over a dead one! Everything else in life is pure pettiness folks. Once you have to visit your 8 year old at a cemetery, reality hits you square in the face. The pettiness in life is just that, pettiness.

Please be careful with the quotes you steal from others. . . and don't judge me for my take on them. Because, seriously, if you think you have it bad with a special needs child or a cruel child...step in my shoes for a day. You'd then be very, very thankful.

As I said, my take on this quote may differ greatly than yours. We may all read the same words, but look at those words in a completely different way. That's, the problem with quotes!

***on a side note, I lost a couple facebook friends after I posted my take on this quote. Pettiness people...pettiness.***

Reece's Rainbow, maybe someday

I received an anonymous comment here on my blog. Thought I'd share a link. Click here to view these precious little orphans. Orphans because their country, in which they are born, cast them aside at birth. Many of them because of birth defects. A large number of them are born with Down syndrome (Ds). The parents are ashamed of these children. The parents are frowned upon for giving birth to children such as these children. Children with special needs are not accepted in many other countries.

Back in December, Paul and I had inquired about a little girl in an Orphanage in Eastern Europe. Oh that little girl was a beauty. She had blond hair and wore a yellow dress. And I know most of my Ds readers know who I'm talking about!! I won't mention her name, because she has been spoken for by a forever family from right here in the USA! Thank goodness, because her time was running out.

In January-ish, I emailed Andrea, the founder of Reece's Rainbow. I inquired about the little girl with the yellow dress. I was sent several forms via email. But, very soon after, Paul lost his health insurance at work. By the time we got health insurance back, we had lost Carly. Health insurance is required in order to adopt one of these children. So that fell through. And the little girl in the yellow dress was spoken for. She had a forever family.

The problem for these children on Reece's Rainbow is that their time in an orphanage is cut short. If they are not adopted by the time they reach the age of 5 (some get lucky and can stay a bit longer), they are sent to an institution to live out the remainder of their lives. And from what I've been told, their lives, more often than not, end within 1-2 years after being institutionalized. Once they are placed within an institution, they can no longer be adopted. Then are confined to their beds. Fed rarely..if at all. :(

I will admit, when Carly was first diagnosed with Ds, (she was about 10 days old) I thought my world ended. I wasn't prepared for a child with special needs. In fact, I was in such bad shape, I had to meet my doctor on a Saturday morning. The doc told Paul and I that we were grieving for the daughter we did not get. He also said that the grieving would pass very quickly. He told us that he had many patients in his practice born with Ds. He sat and told us all about the CAN'S and NEVER once mentioned the can not's. His words finally sank in to my head. And within about a week, I was so over it. My heart was swelling with love and pride for this beautiful little 5lb8oz baby girl. We were all head over heals in love with this little girl.

Right now, I can not even imagine a family not wanting a little girl just like Carly. Oh my gosh. She was a beauty. A charmer. She was smart. Determined. Witty. Comical. Loving and yes, even stubborn. She taught our family so very much in 8 short years.

These poor little children that you see on Reece's Rainbow deserve families to love them. I've seen many of these children, (courtesy of all my online friends) adopted into wonderful families from all over the USA. These kids are thriving in their new found homes. They've been given a chance. A life. A family. Most importantly, they've been given love. Lots and lots of love.

I'm not sure why my anonymous commenter left this link for me. I visit the site often. Believe me, the thought of adoption has been in our hearts for a couple of years. We wanted to give Carly a sibling closer to her age. We also wanted to save one of these children from a god awful institution.

Reece's Rainbow, maybe someday...

10 Reasons to Give Thanks for Your Special Needs Child.

I found the following while on Twitter this morning. Being this is the week of Thanksgiving. I thought I'd share with you all.

1. You never have to worry about worrying over nothing.
Let other parents obsess over the frivolous and the shallow. Your child will make sure you always have something worthy to worry about.

2. Developmental delays = more years of hugs, kisses, and little-kid sweetness. What mom of a sullen teen doesn't secretly wish for the same?


3. Maybe someday, Ty Pennington will come build you a house.
Hey, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition loves families of children with special needs. Your little one may be your ticket to a lavish living space.


4. Any little milestone is a cause to throw a party. Your child works hard for every step, sit-up and syllable, giving you lots to be excited about.


5. Every day is a learning experience. Some days it's a pop quiz, some days it's a crash course, but life with your child is always an education, for sure.


6. You have the privilege of putting several doctors' children through college. After paying for all those appointments, you may feel like a one-family scholarship foundation. Put your child's name on some letterhead and take pride.


7. You meet a better class of parent in waiting rooms and support groups. Your child frees you from having to hang out with those snotty parents on the playground, and gives you entry into an exclusive club of people who are sensitive, sarcastic, and sure of their priorities.


8. You have an iron-clad escape excuse for any occasion. You'd love to stay at that boring party, crowded event, endless church service, but, you know, your child just can't tolerate it. (And if sometimes it's you who can't tolerate it -- who's to know?)


9. Coming up with new strategies every day keeps your brain sharp. They say doing crossword puzzles helps ward off Alzheimer's. Figuring out your child's schedules and treatments and lessons and rights and restrictions must easily provide twice the protection.


10. Your blessings will always be fully counted. Other parents may take the gifts that their children bring for granted. Not you. Not ever.

AMEN!