"Grieving the loss of a child is a process, it begins the day your child passes and ends the day the parent joins them."
BJKarrer

Thursday, October 21, 2010

She's still here...

...that's what I think.

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The above collage can be enlarged if you click it with your mouse.

Some of you might just think I'm crazy right now. And, most of you would be right! Having your 8 year old die so suddenly will make a person kind of nutty. How ever nutty I may be right now, I know for sure that we've had some strange happenings around this house in the past 6 months. Maybe strange isn't quite the word I should be using. Maybe unusual would be a better fit. Which ever..here I go, trying to explain things.

About 3 months ago, I was in the kitchen doing dishes. I kept hearing, what I thought was a child's voice. Yep, thought I'd lost my mind. I stopped washing dishes and stood there in silence, just listening. I had no idea what I had heard and even chalked it up to me losing my mind. But, it happened again, several days later and various times of that particular day. Finally, I realized it was the toy that hangs on the inside of our front door. I figured it was the batteries shorting out. I left that toy alone and didn't think much more about it. That particular toy is a small scaled down version of a fridge and you can see it in the top left corner of the above collage. In order to make it work, you have to place the magnetic alphabetic letters inside the fridge. At that point, the fridge starts singing, in a child like voice. For example; place the letter A inside and it will sing a little song, such as, "A is for apple yum yum yum." That's not the entire little song, but you get the just of it.

Now, we all know that toys with batteries short out and go haywire from time to time. But,,,,,a couple of different toys, at the same time, on the same day going haywire it's just kind of unheard of. To me anyway. In the top center of the collage you see Carly's toy shelf. Those toys have sat untouched for 6 long months now. My heart breaks each day I see those toys, but at the same time, I can't bear to part with them. The toys on the shelves and toys that are in the baskets (which Carly picked out herself), went off a couple weeks after the magnetic fridge incident. Hearing those toys go off at the same time was a little freaky for me. Again, I figured it was just batteries going on the fritz.

Moving on to the picture on the top right of the collage. A few weeks beyond the toy shelf incident. Ashleigh was in using the bathroom one afternoon. She started yelling for me to get in there. When I walked in to the bathroom, her eyes were just as big as saucers. She was standing looking at the toilet paper holder. As I looked down, I saw the toilet paper had been unrolled and was in a heap on the floor. Then she told me what had happened. She used the toilet paper,,,TMI, I know, but I have to explain it. Anyway, she used it, flushed the toilet and all of a sudden the entire roll of toilet paper started to unwind. She told me she rolled it back up, but it did it again. That's when she yelled for me. Now to understand this whole toilet paper story, I should explain something first. Carly loved to sit on the toilet. I kid you not, she was like a man. Sorry men, but it's the truth! She would sit and sit and sit. She actually sat Indian style (crisscross applesauce). Every time she got off the toilet, her poor bottom had a red ring around it from sitting so darn long! But she sat and read books, played with toys AND she unrolled the toilet paper. More often than not, the entire roll that was on the holder would be unwound and on the bathroom floor by the time Carly decided she was done going potty. As I stood in the bathroom with Ashleigh both of us staring at the unrolled toilet paper, I went over and rolled it all back up. And I will be darned if it didn't unroll while we both stood there. Our chins were both on the floor. The whole roll just kept going. That's about the time that I said, "Carly's here." I then went on to tell Ashleigh about the magnetic fridge and the toys on the toy shelf. (just so you know,,, our toilet paper NEVER EVER unrolled on it's own before that,,,without the help of little Miss Carly)!

The purple morning glory that you see in the bottom left corner of the collage has an interesting story behind it as well. My mom planted a pack of morning glory seeds. Once they started to grow, she gave me a hunk of them. I went out and planted my hunk in my garden. I watched each day for flowers to come, but they didn't come on as quickly as I thought they would. One day, a few weeks back, I was sitting outside and realized there were flowers growing from my hunk of morning glory! What I saw though, was a completely different color of morning glory than my mom planted (from the same pack) and had growing at her house. Moms were deep pink. As you see in my collage, mine is PURPLE. Carly's favorite color was purple! Of course I called my mom almost immediately to tell her I had PURPLE morning glory's. Her words to me, "Oh Joany, that's Carly." I had to snap that picture and text it to her. She could NOT believe what she was seeing. My purple morning glory came from the same package of deep pink ones that she planted. So,,,,did a purple seed get mixed up in the package? Maybe. But, how is it that I end up with the purple flowers???

Another unusual thing that has been going on for the past 4-5 months or so, really didn't have me suspecting anything. Until of course all the above things went on. If you look at the collage, the bottom center picture and the bottom right corner picture, you will see an end table. This was Carly's end table. If you look closely, you will see the messy inside which has been left untouched for 6 months now. Left the exact way that Carly left it. It's full of board puzzles. On to this story. I started noticing the door open on that end table. Like I said, about 5 months ago or so. I thought it was kind of odd, but didn't really dwell on it. I just kept shutting it each time I found it open. After the above things had gone on, I found the door to this end table was often times open more frequently. Finally, I asked if anyone had been going through Carly's end table. Everyone said, "no" and they looked at me with the look,,,why would we? Yesterday, I found that door open again.

I've gone over all these unusual things in my mind over and over again. I don't know what you all think, but I'm thinking,,, she's still here.

19 comments:

Ange Aguirre said...

I have absolutely no doubt that Little Miss Carly is indeed still there. I am sitting here laughing and crying at the same time. Thank you for sharing this story. I think you are completely sane and Carly is just letting you know she is still around watching over you all.

Bulldogma said...

Joany - she is most certainly there and trying in her own way to remind you that you haven't lost her. She will always be there! She loves you SO much and wants so badly for you to be happy! I'm so happy she has been showing you so many signs of her joyful presence!

Sarah H. said...

Joany, I completely believe she is still there and wants you to play with her. I'm sure she is running around your house with a little mischievous smile thinking 'How can I make mommy laugh now!!' We don't have to have a scientific explanation we just have to believe.

Luvmypeanut said...

I totally believe she is still with you and letting you know she's around! Talk to her and feel her! Enjoy those moments!

(((HUGS))

Cathy said...

Sitting here with tears streaming down my face. She's with you, Joany...definitely not the way you want her to be with you, but still there. Enjoy it...take comfort in it.

Melissa said...

If those are not signs she is still there with you, then I don't know what they are! And you could talk to anyone, those who leave this earth are still here in spirit and show themselves. I still to this day occasionally smell my grandfather's cologne (he died over ten years ago) or my grandmother's kitchen..all while I am in my own home.
Take comfort in the fact that she is still watching over you.

Becky said...

Carly will always walk beside you and she find ways to let you know that she's there. I love her sense of humor she is a precious angel!

Tina said...

Joany I have no doubt that she is with you. She sees how much pain you are in and that is why she has come to comfort you, she does not want you to hurt anymore, she is o.k. she has gone to a place more beautiful than we can even imagine but she sees you suffering and so wants to let you know all is o.k. Joany there is no proof I know but this is what the afterlife is about. Carly is a pure spirit and she has gone to a high place but she knows you still need her, try and take comfort from this and know that she is fine, she is well and she wants you to know just that.

JennyH said...

Yup, sounds like she is still there. She is always with you. I'm glad you have noticed these things and picked up on it.

stephanie said...

oh Joany your Sweet is still with you. I'm sure she will be until she knows you will be ok.

i think my favorite is the morning glory story. My Goodness!!

Nicki McFadden said...

I literally have chills going through my body as I was ready your post. No, I don't think your crazy! I think Carly wants you to know she is still and always will be with you.

Love and Hugs,
Nicki

Monica said...

Wow, I have chills, too. You're not going crazy! I think that's a confirmation and a reassurance from her to you. I think she's giving you material for a book! Her story needs to be shared.

Emily said...

My grandparents had a grandfather clock in their house for 60 years that did not a work a single day during. They bought it broken because it was cheaper and enjoyed it's unique look. 6 months after he passed away, the clock chimes and goes off ALL THE TIME! I promise it is my grandfather talking to my grandmother. She laughs every time and says I know I know you are here, you're not going to go anywhere!
You are not nutty, just grieving. Thinking of you today!

my family said...

wow,amazing, your little girl is still being silly to giveyou a smile on your face. The flowers are unreal:)

Lorraine, AKA Forever Blessed said...

You MUST, MUST, MUST go purchase the book Have Heart at www.haveheart.net. You will find that you are NOT going crazy AT ALL. The book is written by a pastor and his wife whose son went to Heaven in an auto accident, and as they poured through scritpures and learned about Heaven, God showed them the relationship between Heaven and earth that we don't really learn about these days. And they had stuff like what you're experiencing happen so many times. So amazing. Our Chrissie went to Heaven on May 19, 2010, and her 5th birthday was October 8, 2010. When I prayed during our party, I asked God to alow us to feel her presence. Then when we went to sing happy birthday to Chrissie, her Barbie phone started ringing in the other room! It was so much fun to hear Chrissie dialing in to her birthday party!!! (And no one else was in the other room when it started ringing.) God is so cool to arrange such glorious details with such amazing timing. Even when things appear really dark, His light shines through, and even though sometimes it's just a flicker, it is the persistent reminder that He is there and He never left and He never will. So fun to hear about your daughter's visits. Thanks for sharing! :-)

Cindy said...

I believe. I know she is still there with you. How much I wish you could feel her arms around you. Have you tried meditating?

Dawn said...

Joany, I love this, it brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing!! I don't think you're crazy at all. I think this is God wooing you - loving you - by sending Carly to you and opening your eyes to be able to see/hear/feel her presence and to comfort you. Big hugs to you!!

Kristin said...

Proof that there is life after death. I believe she is trying to tell you she is alive and well and HAPPY on the other side. And you'll see her again in the afterlife :)

Kristen said...

Wow, oh wow, goosebumps! I laughed and I cried reading this. I do believe your Carly is closer to you than she feels.