People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Just going through my blog and see that I haven't updated anything since mid April. I have a lot to put on here and I will. Eventually.

Paul and I decided we needed a change of scenery and so, we headed to California last week. We went to Yosemite National Park and to Kings Canyon and Sequoia National Parks too. Walked for miles and miles and miles, up and down mountain sides, hiked to waterfalls and even spent a day along the coastal region of Monterey. It's beautiful out there. Fisherman's Wharf, Pebble Beach, and Carmel were every bit amazing and beautiful, as the mountains and the HUGE Sequoia trees.

However, I do believe the best thing that we were able to do, is meet up with 3 of my facebook friends..whom I've never met in person before! These 3 gals are proud mama's to children born with Down syndrome too. Yes, we met their children and we were thrilled and a bit saddened at the same time. I'll blog about the trip in a few days.

The reason I started this blog, was to write about the life our our sweet little Carly. Our struggles. Our health issues. Carly's achievements and her milestones; that many parents take for granted. As of lately, some of those parents have completely blown my mind!

Unsure where to go with this blog, from this point in my life. Part of me wants to keep it going, but another part of me thinks I should wrap it up. I mean really..who wants to keep coming to a blog that is so sad, with very little joy and happiness. But, I suppose, that's life. Life isn't a guarantee of "joy" and "happiness".

The other day, something took place on facebook, which hurt me very much. All because I called out a mama, well 3 mama's, of Ds children, who actually posted that they "hate Ds and apraxia" and "I want a cure for Ds". I mean, really? Seriously? To say you "hate Ds" pretty much goes against striving for acceptance from those who have no experience with Ds and would just as soon see no person walking the earth with Ds. And wanting a cure?? PLEASE... that's like saying you wished your child had not been born.

As I sat on my couch, I bit my tongue for quite a while and perhaps, maybe I should have kept my thoughts to myself. But, they opened the can of spoiled, rotted worms that really made me sad. Not mad..at first,,, although, now I'm pissed!

I sat in my living room that night, missing and wishing that my little girl, who was born with Ds, was here on my lap and then I read a facebook status that literally made my chin drop to the floor. I was suddenly very, very sad. Sad because one of these mama's, who I admired so much, felt the need to put something so insensitive of our children, on her facebook. It was there, in black and white..no excuses could cover the fact that it had been placed on her status.

After that, went on it lead me to do some thinning out of my facebook friends. I thought all us Ds mama's were on the same page. We want acceptance. Inclusion. But how can we get that, if Ds mama's say/type that they "hate Ds" or they "want a cure for Ds"? How does that differ from hearing someone say the "R" word? I'm willing to bet, if one of those particular mama's heard someone say, "I hate Ds"..she'd flip her lid.

Some may think I over reacted on this whole thing. My daughter told me to stay out of other people's drama..But I didn't do anything wrong here. All I did is try to explain how sad that that status on facebook made me. Especially since, their happy, healthy Ds children are ALIVE and mine is not. I tried to remind these mama's of the Down Syndrome Creed. The last line was my point. "I'll do it as YOU do, but at MY own pace" Sadly, they didn't get it and fired back at me with both barrels loaded. Whatever. I guess you learn a thing or two about a person.

We will continue to be "finding our way" as we learn to live without our sweet girl. It's a process that is never ending. My hope, from this point forward, is that parents WAKE up and REALIZE the gift you've been given. All children struggle and we all have obstacles to over come in our lifetime. Remember, you could be in my shoes one day. Don't hate Ds or wish it away. For pete, sake..embrace it!

Halloween 2010....

...with a bit of fright!

The following picture has not been altered in any way.

We did not photograph a jack-o-lantern.

We used no props whatsoever.

Around 6:25pm, October 31 2010,
I was sitting on the couch in our living room.
Paul was in the recliner and Brad on the love seat.
I caught a glimpse of this image on our living room wall.
And yes, this image has us all a bit freaked out.

Now, if you can't see the image looks like
a jack-o-lantern...maybe you'd better
get some glasses on and look again.

Because I have my cell phone attached to my hip
today...(I had the ringer off yesterday and missed
several calls...oops).
I quickly grabbed it and snapped this picture.
Then I went to find my camera.
I snapped another pic with my camera, but
the image had started to fade.

Of course I went on to send text
messages with this picture
attached to my family. Just to get their response.
My phone rang almost instantly.
My brother wanted to know
"what the hell did you do to get that picture?"
We did nothing!

This image lasted on our living room
wall for about 20 minutes.
It then faded away.
Never have we ever had anything like this appear.
And can't figure how how or why it
appeared tonight.
We don't even have one single Halloween
decoration out this year. No candles going,
NOTHING!

What do you think of our Halloween 2010?

She's still here...

...that's what I think.

The above collage can be enlarged if you click it with your mouse.

Some of you might just think I'm crazy right now. And, most of you would be right! Having your 8 year old die so suddenly will make a person kind of nutty. How ever nutty I may be right now, I know for sure that we've had some strange happenings around this house in the past 6 months. Maybe strange isn't quite the word I should be using. Maybe unusual would be a better fit. Which ever..here I go, trying to explain things.

About 3 months ago, I was in the kitchen doing dishes. I kept hearing, what I thought was a child's voice. Yep, thought I'd lost my mind. I stopped washing dishes and stood there in silence, just listening. I had no idea what I had heard and even chalked it up to me losing my mind. But, it happened again, several days later and various times of that particular day. Finally, I realized it was the toy that hangs on the inside of our front door. I figured it was the batteries shorting out. I left that toy alone and didn't think much more about it. That particular toy is a small scaled down version of a fridge and you can see it in the top left corner of the above collage. In order to make it work, you have to place the magnetic alphabetic letters inside the fridge. At that point, the fridge starts singing, in a child like voice. For example; place the letter A inside and it will sing a little song, such as, "A is for apple yum yum yum." That's not the entire little song, but you get the just of it.

Now, we all know that toys with batteries short out and go haywire from time to time. But,,,,,a couple of different toys, at the same time, on the same day going haywire it's just kind of unheard of. To me anyway. In the top center of the collage you see Carly's toy shelf. Those toys have sat untouched for 6 long months now. My heart breaks each day I see those toys, but at the same time, I can't bear to part with them. The toys on the shelves and toys that are in the baskets (which Carly picked out herself), went off a couple weeks after the magnetic fridge incident. Hearing those toys go off at the same time was a little freaky for me. Again, I figured it was just batteries going on the fritz.

Moving on to the picture on the top right of the collage. A few weeks beyond the toy shelf incident. Ashleigh was in using the bathroom one afternoon. She started yelling for me to get in there. When I walked in to the bathroom, her eyes were just as big as saucers. She was standing looking at the toilet paper holder. As I looked down, I saw the toilet paper had been unrolled and was in a heap on the floor. Then she told me what had happened. She used the toilet paper,,,TMI, I know, but I have to explain it. Anyway, she used it, flushed the toilet and all of a sudden the entire roll of toilet paper started to unwind. She told me she rolled it back up, but it did it again. That's when she yelled for me. Now to understand this whole toilet paper story, I should explain something first. Carly loved to sit on the toilet. I kid you not, she was like a man. Sorry men, but it's the truth! She would sit and sit and sit. She actually sat Indian style (crisscross applesauce). Every time she got off the toilet, her poor bottom had a red ring around it from sitting so darn long! But she sat and read books, played with toys AND she unrolled the toilet paper. More often than not, the entire roll that was on the holder would be unwound and on the bathroom floor by the time Carly decided she was done going potty. As I stood in the bathroom with Ashleigh both of us staring at the unrolled toilet paper, I went over and rolled it all back up. And I will be darned if it didn't unroll while we both stood there. Our chins were both on the floor. The whole roll just kept going. That's about the time that I said, "Carly's here." I then went on to tell Ashleigh about the magnetic fridge and the toys on the toy shelf. (just so you know,,, our toilet paper NEVER EVER unrolled on it's own before that,,,without the help of little Miss Carly)!

The purple morning glory that you see in the bottom left corner of the collage has an interesting story behind it as well. My mom planted a pack of morning glory seeds. Once they started to grow, she gave me a hunk of them. I went out and planted my hunk in my garden. I watched each day for flowers to come, but they didn't come on as quickly as I thought they would. One day, a few weeks back, I was sitting outside and realized there were flowers growing from my hunk of morning glory! What I saw though, was a completely different color of morning glory than my mom planted (from the same pack) and had growing at her house. Moms were deep pink. As you see in my collage, mine is PURPLE. Carly's favorite color was purple! Of course I called my mom almost immediately to tell her I had PURPLE morning glory's. Her words to me, "Oh Joany, that's Carly." I had to snap that picture and text it to her. She could NOT believe what she was seeing. My purple morning glory came from the same package of deep pink ones that she planted. So,,,,did a purple seed get mixed up in the package? Maybe. But, how is it that I end up with the purple flowers???

Another unusual thing that has been going on for the past 4-5 months or so, really didn't have me suspecting anything. Until of course all the above things went on. If you look at the collage, the bottom center picture and the bottom right corner picture, you will see an end table. This was Carly's end table. If you look closely, you will see the messy inside which has been left untouched for 6 months now. Left the exact way that Carly left it. It's full of board puzzles. On to this story. I started noticing the door open on that end table. Like I said, about 5 months ago or so. I thought it was kind of odd, but didn't really dwell on it. I just kept shutting it each time I found it open. After the above things had gone on, I found the door to this end table was often times open more frequently. Finally, I asked if anyone had been going through Carly's end table. Everyone said, "no" and they looked at me with the look,,,why would we? Yesterday, I found that door open again.

I've gone over all these unusual things in my mind over and over again. I don't know what you all think, but I'm thinking,,, she's still here.

Oh for pete's sake

McDonald's warned: Drop the toys or get sued
click on above link

Honestly, do these "groups" have nothing better to do than to go after McDonald's and their happy meal toys??? Can't people focus on the needs of the American people. How 'bout the Gulf Oil Spill. How 'bout the homeless children. How 'bout childhood cancer. How 'bout Congenital Heart Defects....Why on earth go after a fast food chain?? You people need to get a LIFE!

Yep, I'm guilty. I have taken my kids to McDonald's for years and years. I've purchased the happy meals each time. My kids got nearly all the "mini" beanie babies from happy meals. So what??!! It was MY decision to take my kids to McDonald's. Mine! What's the difference...school lunches, in Michigan anyway, are terrible. Probably worse than McDonald's.

Happy meals and toys go hand in hand. It's up to the parent to NOT take their children there. If they don't want their kids to eat McDonald's and get a toy...then don't go to McDonald's! However, if the parents see no harm in the freaking toy...then so be it. Yeah, I know this group is all about the poor choice of food being served with the happy meal,,,but again,,,this falls upon the parent. NOT McDonald's.

It's like walking into a candy store with your kids, but telling them...sorry, no candy for you. Give me a break.


This is my sweet girl. Taken last August. I took Carly to McDonald's for my birthday! And because she had just had a blood draw, checking out her platelet count. Do you see a toy in this picture? Yep...it's on her wrist!

Seriously people...if you don't approve of McDonald's food and their happy meal toys...then don't take your kids there. It's really that simple!

Paths crossed.

Back in the beginning of April, I believe it was April 6th, my mom and I took Carly to the dentist for a cleaning. Due to Carly being a cardiac patient, she had to be pre medicated before any dental procedures. On this particular day, Carly flat out refused to take her 2tsp of medication. This was a bit of a problem because she needed it 30 minutes before the procedure. Well, it was 9:25am and her appt was at 10am. We had 35 minutes to get there, but the drive alone would take 30 minutes. So,,,,,, my mom says to me, "hop in the back with Carly to get her med's in her and I'll drive till we get to the highway". Okay, that works...except Carly still wouldn't take her med. As mom is driving my Chevy Venture (mini van), mom says, "Joany, this van drives really nice, like a car". Carly finally finished her meds. Mom and I switch drivers. Off we go on the highway.

After we get done with the dentist, we head out to the van. Just so happens, torrential rain fall was coming down. As I'm placing Carly in her car seat, mom heads around the other side of the van to get in the backseat. She always rode in the backseat with Carly. As mom is getting into her side, a white Ford Explorer pulls up beside her. This lady rolls her window down, I could see a man in the driver seat. They asked if we knew we had a flat tire. We didn't know and due to the terrible rain coming down, we may not have even noticed it until we were out on the road. This guy and gal wanted to change that tire for us. I thanked them, but went on to tell them we have AAA insurance and they'd send someone out to us. These people were really wanting to help, but I thanked them and told them we would just wait and there was no need for him to get soaked in the pouring rain.

Fast forward to last Thursday. A guy (I knew he was coming, he had called first) pulled into our driveway to look at our mini van which was for sale and listed on Craigs List, which is how he found it. He looked it over. Liked what he saw and then asked if he could take it on a test drive. I told him sure. He jumps in and takes it for a ride. When he got back he made this comment, "I can't get over how good this van rides. It rides like a car". Of course, I had to tell him about our trip to the dentist in April. and how my mom had made a comment just like that after having to drive my van. At that point, this guy asks me, "What dentist do you go to?" I thought that was a little odd. I gave him a surprised, or startled look and told him who the dentist was and what town her office was in. What he said next, nearly made me faint. Here's what this guy said, "that tire right there (while pointing), was flat in that parking lot wasn't it?" My arms suddenly weighed 10 tons each. My response, "yes, it was flat". His next words hit me square in the gut, "That was my wife and I who pulled up next to you in that parking lot asking if you needed help changing that tire".

We stood in my front yard and talked for quite a while. We were both in disbelief that our paths had crossed before. He told me that his wife was going to flip when he got home and told her what van he had just looked at. He also told me he remembered seeing a cute little girl in pig tails stretching her neck trying to see who was pulled up alongside the van. Yes, he knew that Carly had passed away. Paul had told him that when he called to inquire about the van. Paul only told him, because this guy wondered why we were selling a van if there was nothing wrong with it. We sold it because none of us could stomach getting into that van without Carly. It's hard enough having to live in this house that is full from one end to the other with toys, books, crayons, dolls, doll houses, DVD's, CD's, puzzles, workbooks, etc.....

This guy did end up buying our van. He and his wife and my family were all completely shocked as to how our paths crossed in that parking lot and just a little more than a month later, they crossed again. And by the way, we just bought a white Ford Explorer, almost identical to the one they still have. Isn't it eerie sometimes, the paths we cross?

The second time around...

Yesterday, Dec 17th, was our anniversary. It was our 10th year. The second time around! For those of you who don't know our history. Boring to some and interesting to others...here it goes. Paul and I started dating while in high school. I was 17. Paul was 18. We married in May 1986, the first time around, at the tender age of 20 & 21. Ashleigh was born at the end of that same year. Bradley came along in Nov of 1989.

Fast forward to 1991. Paul and I divorced. We sold our brand new home and went our separate ways. The kids with me. I rented a small house that my parents owned. Paul moved to the Detroit area.

Moving right along to 1997. By this time, our anger toward one another finally started to subside. Our kids were constantly begging both of us to go with them to the fair, movies, school activities...etc. We both caved each time they asked both of us to do things with them. Eventually, Paul and I decided that we were getting along very well. After many conversations and spending lots of time together, we decided to try living together. Our thoughts were, if we could get along so well, we owed it to our kids to at least try one more time. And so we did.

By the time Paul moved back in. I had bought some land and had a modular home put on it. The kids and I had been living here about 1 year. We all were together again. Boy did we have one happy little boy. Bradley was in HEAVEN having his daddy back home. Ashleigh was too, but it was just different for Brad.

December 17, 1999. Paul and I headed to the court house with my brother and sister in-law as witnesses, and got married...the second time around. The kids knew we were getting married again, but opted out of going to the court with us. It was Christmas time and their school parties were going on that day. Plus, they thought it was cheesy!

Now, here's a question for you all. Which anniversary would you celebrate? We really don't celebrate either. Maybe because we aren't sure which one we should be celebrating! HaHa! At any rate, the second time around for us, has proven to be so much better than the first time around.

The best result of our getting re-married is of course CARLY! I think Ashleigh and Brad would agree also :0)

Whew..

...what a weekend! I've been out of touch with the world wide web for several days. Our internet went out. Thanks to our DOG! He ate the wires that run along the outside of our house. No internet since Sunday morning. He ate that wire after he had already eaten through our cable wire on Friday. Causing us to have no TV all weekend. GRRRRRRRRRRR! Will this puppy stage ever end? For the record. This WILL be our very last puppy. EVER! We've never had a puppy this destructive.

Ouch!

When I got up and around this morning, I did as I often do. Headed to my computer to check up on all the blogs I follow. :o)

As the morning went on. I found a blog that I follow had a new post. I naturally clicked on the link, anxious to check out her most recent post. I was very surprised to read her very long drawn out letter that she posted to Tiger Woods. I decided to leave a comment. It wasn't at all a nasty, negative comment. It was simply my opinion. Imagine my surprise when I received an email from this blogger. Wow. Let's just say, I had my very first negative experience with a fellow blogger today. Unbelievable.

I wont mention any names, because, well that's just me. I'm very disappointed in this blogger. I have followed her blog for quite some time. Way before I was a blogger myself. This particular blogger has had a sick child born a year ago, with a horrible heart defect. I can so relate to that. Maybe that's what drew me into her blog. Although, I must say, I have enjoyed many of her posts. Actually, most of her posts. Until today.

For some reason, this particular blogger felt the need to write a letter to Tiger Woods. A letter posted on her blog for her many, many followers to view. She left her comment section open. She wanted her followers to leave comments. She even tweeted about it, to draw people to her blog. Now to me, and this is only my opinion, but this is a story that is sure to stir the pot. I read through some of the comments before leaving mine. I let my opinion be known. In a nut shell I said, "shame on you Tiger Woods".

Well.....this blogger emailed me. She let me know she did not like what I had to say. Seriously?!?! Um, she is the one who tweeted, that she wanted to know other peoples take on this letter written by her, to Tiger Woods. A letter that she herself posted on her blog. This blogger preached to me, about how God will forgive Tiger Woods and how it's such a wonderful thing to be able to be forgiven. Yes. It is. I agree. It will be fabulous for Mr Woods to be forgiven. If Mr Woods even knows God. How do we know? We don't. Besides that, if Mr. Woods truly did have extra marital affairs, he should most definitely feel some sort of quilt and shame. Although this blogger disagrees with that. I believe Mr. Woods so much as said, that he did feel some quilt and shame when he released his statement to the media.. Not in those exact words, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to read between the lines. I may be wrong here, and PLEASE correct me if I am. But, isn't one of the 10 commandments Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery? It was when I learned the commandments.

Whatever the case may be regarding Mr. Tiger Woods. It's a very sad situation for all involved. People who are involved are going to be dragged straight into the media for the whole entire world to judge. Sad.

The whole thing is just crazy. Why on earth would anyone post a letter to Tiger Woods about his own private business? As if he's going to read it. Crazy!

As for this fellow blogger. I'm so very disappointed in her response to me. I've prayed for her family and her child many times. Now, I don't know what to think about her. I do feel as if this fellow blogger gave me a 'virtual slap to the face' today. Yes, it still stings. OUCH! ;o)